Braden Smith, right tackle for the Indianapolis Colts, is one of the best members of the team's elite offensive line, which is why - despite being named as a cut candidate - he had his contract extended through 2026. This did raise some eyebrows, as fans questioned his ability to stay healthy and on the field, largely due to a significant, unexplained absence during the 2024 season.
In December, Smith was placed on injured reserve for personal reasons, which had been affecting him for at least a month by then. Despite significant speculation among fans and in the media, no information was ever released about what had happened.
Now, Smith is telling his story.
In an exclusive interview with Joel Erickson, Smith said he had been diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, which had presented itself as severe religious scrupulosity. The battle was so taxing on the Smith family that his wife said she had been forced to give him an ultimatum - get help or she would check him into a mental health facility - and Smith said he felt he was near suicidal.
Courtney Smith, his wife, said she and his agent, Michael Perrett, came to a realization about the depths of his struggle in November. Perrett had spoken to the Colts, and everyone knew what needed to happen. “At this point, it’s bigger than football,” Courtney said Perrett told her. “And all of us know that.” When she went to check on him, she said the look in her eyes told her that he wasn't there anymore.
Smith's battle with OCD began in March of 2024, but he had been able to manage, even as the situation got worse and worse. The couple managed to keep him playing through 12 games, but the repetitive nature of football exacerbated the symptoms.
Eventually, Courtney gave him an ultimatum: he could get help, through medication and therapy, or she would check him into a facility. She already had changed the combination to the family's gun safe, fearing for his safety.
“I was physically present, but I was nowhere to be found,” Smith said. “I did not care about playing football. I didn’t care about hanging out with my family, with my wife, with my newborn son. … I (felt like) was a month away from putting a bullet through my brain.”
"At this point, it's bigger than football."Courtney Smith
Smith's OCD presented as religious scrupulosity, with him feeling immense pressure to attain perfection; any mistake which he felt was a sin would lead to a need for repentance. His repentance would then lead to further scrutiny. He latched on to specific Bible verses or prayers, and though at home he felt able to manage, during road trips or film study, he struggled, because he was alone in his own mind.
“There’s the actual, real, true, living God,” Smith said. “And then there’s my OCD god, and the OCD god is this condemning (deity). It’s like every wrong move you make, it’s like smacking the ruler against his hand. ‘Another bad move like that and you’re out of here.’”
In September, Smith told his wife that he was thinking about retiring if his condition didn't get better, which immediately made her worry - he loves football. He began seeing a doctor, who diagnosed him with OCD quickly, and traced it back to the third grade.
The Colts were understanding, and did all they could to help: accommodating his therapy, helping him with medication, understanding when he couldn't sit into meetings. But nothing seemed able to help. “It would be very temporary,” Smith said. “It's like I'm getting hit with a sledgehammer, essentially, with all these different things going on.”
Courtney said she could recognize his compulsions even as he played on the field. She began worrying about leaving him alone with their 10-month-old son. And by Thanksgiving, the couple agreed to a stay in a Colorado intensive mental health care facility. The facility was not named, but Smith said he was able to meet both current and former NFL players there as well.
After 48 days, they still felt like progress had been minimal.
“For the first couple of weeks we were there, I would take him from his facility, meeting me and Wyatt,” Courtney said. “We'd do dinner together and he would not be able to function during dinner, and I'd be like, 'This is not like you. You haven't seen us for days, you know, or a week, and you can't even be happy playing with your kid on the floor.'”
Despite having spent nearly two months in an inpatient facility, he still scored 28 out of 40 on the Yale-Brown Obsessive-Compulsive Scale, which is within the "severe" range. “It’s a very hopeless feeling,” Smith said. “And that’s kind of where the ibogaine comes in. This was like the last-ditch effort for me.”
Smith went to Mexico for five days to undergo ibogaine treatment, which he says resets the brain. And it helped, though he has continued to work since the five-day treatment of ibogaine ended. “Now I have this blank slate,” Smith said. “Now I’m able to create good habits.” He began OCD-specific therapy for three hours a day, and slowly, managed to work his way down to one therapy session a week.
"“I still have OCD, but it doesn’t have a hold over me. It doesn’t dictate my life.”"Braden Smith
“I don’t do compulsive prayers at all anymore,” Smith said. “I don’t do the replacing the good with the bad. If I have a bad thought, it’s just like OK, that’s one of many thoughts. I’ll just move on with my day and don’t let it affect me. I used to spend like 3 to 5 hours a day in my head, doing compulsions. It was so exhausting. I would be just wiped out from that, taking naps a bunch during the day. You could see it all in my face, with my posture and my body, it was all there. … I don’t even know if I do compulsions anymore.”
He now tests in the "mild" category for OCD, and the Colts wanted to work with him to keep him on the team. "I think people forget how good Braden is," Chris Ballard said. And as Erickson pointed out, the Colts went above and beyond to support the Smiths: paying him when they weren't required to, working with him as he struggled with this mental health crisis, helping him find treatment. Smith said the NFL players he met in Colorado did not all get the same compassionate care from their teams that he did.
And for Braden Smith himself, he wanted another chance to redeem himself in Indianapolis.
“I wasn't here last year. I was physically here, but I wasn't,” Smith said. “I want to be me again here, and I want the people around me to experience that, because I do feel like I do have something to offer the people around me.”
He also wants to make sure other people, and especially young players in the NFL, know the importance of getting help. The Smiths are calling on the NFL to have a roster designation for players going through a mental health crisis, with Courtney specifically questioning how a rookie - in a new city, young and alone with no support - would have been able to manage. But in the meantime, Smith wants people to understand that it's possible to get better.
“Getting help is the least burdensome thing, because it's the short term,” Smith said. “You gotta look at the long term. People want their wife, their husband, their child, for the long term. If they don't have it for a short term, that's OK, because they know that ultimately there’s gonna be healing.”